By Lynelle Johnson

If your goal was to find the perfect partner would you pay someone to guide you successfully through the dating maze? Not a matchmaker with a list of eligible partners, but a coach who works with you to achieve your goals.

Lorri Mason a professional life coach and NLP practitioner (Neuro Linguistic Programming) has done just that for a number of clients. I am recently separated, so I was intrigued to call her to see what this kind of coaching could be like.

Reality separates somewhat from the Hitch version at this point, Lorri was not about to coach me in how to kiss, or what to say on the first date or what to wear. “My first task is to work out what you may be doing to sabotage your goals, “said Lorri.

In the first session Lorri would go through the GROW model of coaching, G being the goal, R, the reality of your situation, O being the options you may have and the obstacles there may be to your goals and W representing the way forward. “Coaching is solution based and most of the ideas you have for improving your life you already have within you.” She said.

Lorri wants to know what your motivation is for seeking a relationship. She wants to tease out whether you are really ready, have you anything that you haven’t dealt with from the last relationship.

I was concerned at this point that a person with real issues would be consulting a coach when they really needed a physiologist or a psychiatrist but Lorri says in her view a psychiatrist is for mental diseases that require medication, a psychologist or counsellor for those with major problems but for those with negative self talk and other blocks and the willingness to set goals a coach is fine. “I use informed consent in my first session and if I felt that the problem was beyond my level of experience I would refer the person – for legal reasons as well.”

Having said that Lorri believes we do the most damage to our happiness with our belief systems. She talks about the ‘King Lie’ – the belief that may not be correct but is interfering with your goals. “Deep down you may believe because your husband left you, all men will leave you or you are not attractive to men.” She said.

“I also ask what they are searching for. What is their core question?” She said. One woman Lorri is coaching said her core question – the one which went through her head late at night was ‘Why haven’t I got a partner?”